Thursday, April 21, 2005

When I sang to Him

My Song
He wrote a song long ago,
Inscribed on my heart for me.
A song comprised for my heart to sing
For all eternity.
Deep in my heart, waters deep
Composition sweet.
Hidden for His heart alone
the Divine hidden within me.
Words unexpressed by another's heart
Unfounded in all the earth.
Only deep within this sould
The satisfaction of His search
For the place in His heart
It was fashioned to touch.
He awakens the sleeping love.
He draws forth the deep waters,
And by my voice
He is overcome.
Youth went well last night. Luke, our head youth minister, is gone to AZ, leaving the team of leaders, Bob, Lindsey, Lane, Chris, Eric, Kim, and me, alone! Yeah! We had fun-Lindsey and Lane taught everyone the "Zoo" game which became quite interesting. It went from animal actions to animal sounds all lost in a roar of irregular rhythms. Good times! Bob gave the message about "Keepin it real" and then we split up into groups for the mission evangelism projects we've started thinking about. Lindsey have a really good group and some great ideas so I can't wait till we start. The highlight of my evening is when I lead worship....for the very first time all by myself. Yikes! I picked out a few songs I knew and and I had practiced before hand but I knew that it was going to be God who carried me through this experience. I was a nervous wreck....I got up there and the first few chords were shaky! But as I kept playing all I could think was "God this is Your time. You are the reason we are here. You are the reason I am here. I sing to You from my heart and that is all that matters. The youth below the stage became blurry and I just sang. I didn't worry about chords or my inadequate voice....I sang to Him, with all that I had and I loved every moment of it. God carried me through. I think maybe I'll try that again sometime! :)

Sunday, April 17, 2005

Run For Him; Run To Him

I run to find You
I run to seek Your face
Unhindered by shame
I run to You

I run to the One who knows me
I run to the One who loves me
For the One that is ravishing over me
I run to You

Confident, I will chase Your heart
Bold, I will seek the prize
I journey to Love's embrace: Weary but determined
I run to You

You are the strength that carries me
You are the wind that pushes me
You are the light that guides me
With You, I run!

(Will they run with me
If they know for whom the race is won?)

He invites you
He cries out your name

He is calling you to the starting line
Run to Him.

The AIDS race was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better day. Beautiful weather, beautiful route, beautiful turnout....It just rocked my world. There were a lot of people-I was glad to see so many familiar faces. Many from the Good Samaritan Project came to support and walk and even my friends from Hope Care Hospital came. Hope Care is an intensive hospital for those living with HIV/AIDS. Jonathan, a patient there, and a good buddy of mine, was there with his family. He was determined to at least walk a mile. I joked with him and said he can run with me at the front of the line! He's a great guy and he has an amazing love for his family who I was honored to meet today. There were several other clients that brightened my day as I saw them. They were so encouraging and another client, Rick, said he'd be my side coach! I saw him at the second mile marker, just grinnin! He was probably suprised I made it that far!

I think I ran harder knowing who I was running for; their faces etched in my memory and in my heart pushed me further. They were the fuel; the reason I kept kicking hard over the hills in the last mile....It was because of these men and women I finished in the top 20. I remember last year...I "participated" in the AIDS RACE...this year I "ran" for my friends.

Perspectives change when you know who you're running for!

Shouldn't our journey to Love's embrace be similar? I desire to know who I am running toward--so that I can run, unashamed, unhindered by the enemy, with absolute determination--I want to only know more and more about my Lord, Father in Heaven, and the more He is revealed, the faster I run into His arms; the greater my determination is to reach the prize of Heaven. Understanding that the journey is not an easy road, we must work. Just as I train my body for the road, I must train my heart and my spirit for His journey. He is my strength: Even if it is not smooth sailing, even though I may get weary, the love etched in my heart is sufficiant to carry me across the finish line. I am running to a Love that I have yet to fully comprehend; I am running to a Savior I have yet to know, to gaze upon His face. I do know that I love Him. That love is enough. That fire drives me. He is calling my name and so I run.

(Eph. 3:16-19)
May I run to You with boldness and in conifidence. Let nothing hold me back. For it is You I desire; it is Your love that drives me. I come to You as I am, running with all that I have, eager to see Your face, Your glory, Your welcoming arms. And in this journey, may my heart come to know the fullness, the very depth, heigth, width, and length of Your love. You are my desire. I come to you running, like a lost child who hears her Father's cry, who sees her Father's arms open wide: I run to You.

Peace and Blessings: JP

Saturday, April 16, 2005

I Believe in What is Unseen

"How easily," my heart says, " have spent my strenth for nothing and in vain." Yet I believe in what is unseen. My pain night and day is that I believe in what is unseen. I believe in a fire that burns within me--transforming me from glory to glory. I believe in a strength that is not of this world, welling up and forming within me. I believe in the power of barren prayers and unseen tears. I believe in the Holy Spirit ever abiding within me. All unseen realities.

I wait for You. I am still waiting for You. Oh, how You test my soul with Your tarrying. Yet what chosice have I? There is no movement forward without You. So here I wait. How you ruin the lives of Your beloved ones with a love that connot be argued away and a faith that is an immovable Rock in the journey's way. I do not remain in this place of waiting because my heart is noble, but because my love and faith have become greater than I and I cannot convince them to depart from me. They are towers that have risen within me and now are indeed the strength of my city. I cannot move them for they are my essence. No longer portions of me, but all of me. They are God Himself within me.

All I can do is wait. My soul waits for You. More than the watchmen wait for the morning. I wait for You. My eyes search the horizon for any sign of first light. Surley, You will come. I believe in what is unseen. I invite You. Come to me.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Guided by You

You are my God; You are my Guide through this journey. I do not know who I am, but trusting that you know who I am I will follow You through the adventure of that discovery. Though I may not know where this journey may take me, it is my own; a gift from You and it is with trust, faith and love that I share every step of this journey with you. You made me who I am so that I may make known who You are. Teach me, Love me, Complete me! I am Yours.

Two jobs. Not working. I love my job at the Leavenworth Times. It's easy, my boss is amazing, and the opportunity to take photos and meet people has been great! Praise God for allowing such a wonderful opportunity to fall into place. However, the job I currently hold at Sheridan's frozen custard is not so great. I took the job to make a few extra bucks but the people, the atmosphere, my boss especially have really made this experience hard. I've been praying and praying that things may get better but recently God has really been pulling me away from that place. I have been trying to share Christ with a couple of girls at Sheridan's encouraging them to come to college group but their interest is failing. I've decided this week that I'm quitting, (though I hate to quit anything); I believe God is showing me new opportunities. My trust is in Him. I know He has a better plan for me. My jobs can't be about money anymore, even if it is "just to make a couple extra bucks." God is my provider; I will trust in Him.

Lord, I know you have my life in Your hands. Father I pray that you guide me to new opportunities that would utilize my gifts and bring you glory. Lord I trust in You. You are my provider and You are my strength. Grant me patience and peace in these last few weeks at this job to be gracious and understanding with my co-workers and my boss. Lord I pray you would minister to their hearts, that you would make known the invitation, the gift that lies at the doorstep of their heart. Lord, if not through me, I pray that you would speak to the girls and to my boss by some revelation or person. Guide their hearts to Father. May it be your will. Amen.

College group was fun tonight. Brenton played guitar and we worshiped briefly before we all enjoyed a BBQ put on by Eric: the master of the grill. (He just happened to set everything else on fire before he got to the actual grill! Kind of funny...lucky he wasn't hurt! Please Eric be careful next time!) Quite a few people came from St. Mary and we had about 10 or so. Lindsey and I went on an adventure through the woods that lie in the back of they guys' house. We saw a deers, were harrassed by thorns, walked in a big circle before hopping a creek and sinking ankle deep in some mud. It was awesome!

AIDS Run/Walk is Saturday! Yeah! I can't wait. My mom might come and see me! Yeah!
Aquire the Fire is also Friday and Saturday but unfortunately I unable to go! I am praying everything goes well and that the Youth will have a rockin time and be blessed in the pressence of God!

I'm officially wiped! Going to bed!
Peace and Love

Monday, April 11, 2005

Enjoy me

I think I've been running all day. It seems almost humorous to run when I don't have even an audeience or palce to run avoiding the only other person in a small room. But I can run no more. I lift my eyes to the Eyes that have held me in their gaze all day and I say Have Me. Enjoy me. Here is my heart. Here is my life. All I have to offer is broken and week. Here I am, Jesus. Enjoy me.

Oh Jesus, truly I can only whisper a prayer. My heart is faint. My pain is real. Ifeel that yesterday's prayer had more life than these, and yesterday's seemed so dry and weak. But even so, I cry out Your name. Jesus! You are the Lifter of my head. You are the Sustainer of my soul. Surley, You will see me through this dry day and cause me to come up smiling.

The Lord has been ever faithful to my cries. School, two jobs, volunteer work, and a mountain of paper work varying from bills to forms to school assignments. As my physical body wore, my mind wore as did my spirit. A desert creeped into my life and I was parched of the spirit. So dry. So thirsty. So eager to have my Father release His rain/reign upon my life, my heart and my spirit once more.
For every season there is a I've read :). I've so enjoyed the past lessons in church this week and last week. This week: a message of hope. The summation of the message was an eloquent equivalent to "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." God places certain burdens and trials in my life because he knows I can handle it. The weight of the world on my shoulders, as I have so often embellished, will truly make me stronger. For the strength and the glory of God will shine through and be magnified in my triumph over whatever burdens or trials stratigically selected for my journey. My Father has faith in me, and I have a hope that pulls me through to the finish line. And as I cross, His embrace tells me that He is pleased. "I knew you could do it kid!" In my weakness, my Father tests my strength.

I went on a retreat this weekend. What a treat those retreats. Some quality God time! Rest for my soul and some serious nap time! Rock! A busy girl needs a nap every once in a while! So many things were covered in the past two days. I was asked to speak on the Mystery that is God! was truly in God's hands,I had no direction and then God pointed the way! He never ceases to amaze me, showing me His faithfulness always! As I have spent so many days in barren prayer, sinking my roots deeper into a desert looking for that water, that spring that will replenish my heart: faithfully His rain has come. I couldn't help but wallow in His presence at the retreat. He was always holding me, always there. He is no longer silent.
My Lord has been ever faithful to my cries.

Thanks to those who prayed for me!

Peace and Blessings.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

A Journey Begins

Yeah, this is my blog. Enjoy getting to know me and if you already know me, become a witness to the journey. Peace, JP